For the longest time, I have my best and most interesting thoughts and ruminations when I am otherwise occupied - just waking up from sleep in the morning, in the shower, on the bus, at lunch, working out at the gym. And I have the worst luck with training my mind to remember what the heck I was thinking about so I can continue to work on it, sort it out, meditate on it (if I choose to meditate, that is).
I began a 5-year diary some months ago. It helps. I find if I don't do it daily, the special thoughts and/or notes of the day still get missed. So this leads me to discipline. Which circles me back to the thoughts I woke with this morning. I was continuing my thoughts about discipline, and my decided lack thereof. I have lived in total frustration for years that I have such a difficult time with self-discipline, instead living a profligate, indulgent and hedonistic life. I had done some studying on what I call "The Path of the Warrior" several years ago, and one of the key elements of the Warrior Archetype is self-discipline and focus.
I'm great at routine. But routine is an anathema to the Warrior. Routine allows me to perform mundane daily tasks without having to think about them much. It also helps with finding stuff - if I always put my keys in the same place, my glasses in their case in my backpack, and my bus pass in one particular pocket of same backpack, etc., then I have a better chance of finding these items when they are needed. If I deviate from the routine, I fail, utterly. I hadn't put my Rx glasses in their proper case one day, and they went missing in the house for weeks. Finally found them in the bookshelves in the bedroom - OF COURSE!! Why hadn't I thought of that sooner? (strong inflections of sarcasm with this last!)
I got to thinking about archetypes. Caroline Myss, in Energy Anatomy, discusses various archetypes, as does the father of the archetype discussion as it relates to personal psyche, Carl Jung. I got to thinking, all of this still in bed as I was waking up, about my not exactly fitting the Warrior Archetype, never have, nope, and likely never will. I can see that I have Warrior elements: I have enormous courage, I can be truly focused, I am steadfast and trustworthy, I am responsible and diligent (for others more than for myself).
But I couldn't help thinking, the Warrior is just not me. It's not even that I'm not a martialist, I'm a long-time pacifist. But the whole archetype is not resonant, and I don't think it truly ever will be. I can learn from it, and ask to have the strengths of a Warrior when needed, but I'm natively something else. So that leads me to the next question: What am I?
The first concept, one I've not particularly encountered before, that popped into my head was "Courtesan." Where did THAT come from? My history and lifestyle, my zodiac sun sign, and much about me leads me to think this is a true calling. I am good at making others happy and loved. I am a Mirror, a Reflection Back, and while I do share myself in a true and intimate way, in the past I mainly hid behind a mask. I don't (consciously) hide anymore, but being authentically me is one of my "prime directives" for life. Honest to the best of my knowledge is another.
I started a list of other archetypes (Stephen Covey's 7 Habits had me list out my "roles" and these are part of this structure): Helpmate, Servant, Tyrant, Teacher, Healer, Traveler, Student, Monk, Novice, Priestess, Gardener, Mechanic, and so forth. It felt like I was creating a whole new set of Major Arcana cards for a Tarot deck. That's what the Tarot does: brings into focus certain archetypical characteristics in ourselves or others around us to help us sort out questions, decisions, ideas.
On a final note, this 2008 Thanksgiving Day, I am an enormous gratitude list of and bountifully blessed in so many ways, it's almost embarrassing, and I am rich beyond measure with love, family, friends, health, sanity, emotional well being, meaningful work, opportunities to grow and learn. May all of you enjoy the same.
Happy Thanksgiving World!!
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